Casper The Fucking Ghost

I’m pretty sure when cute little Casper was floating over our silver screens, the word ghosting didn’t exist. Or maybe it did, but it meant something completely different. I’m not entirely sure what though.

Today, if you hear from someone that they have been ghosted, you know right away what’s going on. Some arse has been behaving like a total ba***** or bi*** towards them. They cut them off cold turkey; mid-conversation, at any point of their relationship (this doesn’t have to be a boy/girl thing, it can be just as bad amongst friends). They turned Casper on them. And you have no idea why. No good bye, no explanation, just a huge empty space, full of questions. We are probably quite fond of the person this has happened to so we are fuming on their behalf. This isn’t just something a guy does to a girl by the way, it most definitely happens the other way round as well.

And it’s really, really horrible for the one who gets ghosted. You can be as confident and self- assured as you like, this is bound to make you start asking yourself some pretty painful questions, throw you in a pit of self-doubt and make you feel so sorry for yourself you want to take a bath in ice cream for a while. Because once we have ascertained that they haven’t been in an accident or lost their memory somehow, there is only one conclusion to reach. It’s us. There is something wrong with us. We have done something, said something – not that we have any idea what – that makes it impossible for them to even speak to us anymore, let alone find us appealing or loveable. We fucked up and they don’t want us anymore in their life. Pass the cat, we will be lonely forever.

At first, you re-read every single message you ever send searching for that elusive clue, that one sentence you can pin them turning into Casper on. Bloody difficult, how can you possibly know what’s going on in their head. Especially when there is actually nothing to find. But you keep looking anyway. There must be something. You run though the last time you met up, the conversations you had, just about everything. The likelihood is – even in best Holmes mode – you find nothing. Absolutely not a single thing.

And here is why: because there is nothing wrong with you. At all. You have done nothing wrong. You were being yourself. You were lovely and kind and funny and caring. You were simply awesome. There is only one person here with a problem, and that’s Casper. Casper either fundamentally lacks basic social skills – although you might have possibly noticed that before – or they are just a dick. And a massive one at that. They think it’s fine to be like that. And chances are you are not the first one to be at the receiving end of them being as dick and you won’t be the last one either. The truth is, Casper is actually pretty sad. And probably quite lonely.

But in all honesty, that shouldn’t be your problem. Because if you keep chasing a ghost, you might miss a very real person standing right in in front of you.

Rude Boi Calling

As we have established by now, I am a user of dating apps. I like texting. Should be a blast, right? Actually, it’s bloody difficult. Tedious. Hair pulling. And sometimes it’s just downright ‘Dude are we seriously having this conversation right now? Excuse me while I bang my head into the wall.’ You get my drift.

Now the whole point of the initial texting lark is to make yourself appealing enough to a member of the opposite sex to eventually move on to an exchange of numbers and following that maybe, possibly the prospect and realisation of a date. So really, you should try to come across as a nice and lovely person who is mentally stable and of reasonably decent looks.

Apparently, not that easy. Now, I’m using this app where the girls have to text first. I normally send a generic blurb because I can’t be bothered to be creative. My profile clearly states I will do just that btw. So they are warned. So I say Hi, dude messages back. The distance is going to be a problem. What now? You matched me despite the distance and that’s your opening line? Check your settings my friend (my profile says that as well actually). So after that, I’m already in not really a chance mode but I have nothing else to do so the conversation continues a little longer.

Inevitably, we come to the question of what we are looking for. Well he asked. I never ask. To be perfectly honest, my initial assumption is that guys are just looking for a shag. You know, low expectations bring less potential for disappointment. And quite often not that wrong to assume either. So I say my usual. I’m not looking for anything. See where things go. I don’t need to be with someone for the sake of it. Which I think is a reasonable statement. And what else am I meant to say? I’m desperately looking for my knight in shining armour please come and save me? Even if that was the case, I would rather cut my tongue off than say so. Desperation is a sad thing.

You seem to be a bit of a tough cookie. I don’t find that very appealing. Okay. A bit harsh but if you say so. I was being honest and he replied in kind. Fair enough. But then I got this. ‘Before we unmatch, I just wanted to say the picture of you and your son seems to bring out the best in you, you should try be a bit more like that.’ What. The. Fuck. What are you trying to tell me with that?!? That I did not comply with the assumptions you made of me based on a ten minutes exchange of words, a sarcastic profile and a few pictures?

I am still a little pissed off about this. Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect everyone to like my attitude – or me for that matter (Just as a side note someone else told me around the same time he thought I’m really lovely so I am sure I am not doing everything wrong). I know I am not the most accommodating or easiest person to get on with. I can live with that, no problem. We all depend on others accepting our imperfectness on various aspects and do so in return. Those people are normally called friends. Family if you’re lucky. So some dude telling me how he thinks I should be, not on.