See what I did here? My subtle little nod to the title with this image. In all seriousness though, if you ever find me near a body of water sporting a bucket and some tackle, please have mercy and dispose of me quickly and humanely. You will have my eternal gratitude. Quite literally.
Of course, I’m referring to scouring the pond, playing with flames and matches or checking out the bees. To name but a few. When browsing the western dating versions of the mail order bride catalogue, it is quite astonishing really how many of us seem to believe holding a giant fish or sporting freaky bambi eyes are fantastic selling points. Trust me when I say they really are not. Just because you’re Facebook mates like that picture of you doesn’t mean you should use it for a wider audience to see. Or the one of you gracing the gutter with your presence after one too many at Spoons. I’m sure that one got plenty of thumbs up too, for all the wrong reasons.
Let’s face it, if we like it or not, attempting to create a dating profile is like a job application for a quite nondescript position of unknown duration and location, to a vague number of strangers whose expectations are a mystery to us. And a bunch of weirdos we would give a wide berth in real life but kind of come with the package and we have to put up with them (I’m talking to you future hubby Wayne who after four messages into the nirvana is still not getting the hint). It’s not even so much about what you write about yourself, most people don’t bother reading the small print anyway (okay, I hardly ever bother to ready the small print). It’s about the impression you give in the pictures you have chosen to represent yourself with.
You get mercilessly judged on them. Be honest, we all do it. First pic bad, it’s a no. Uncertain? We look at the second one. Maybe even the third. At that point I’m already getting bored by my own indecisiveness so it’s a no anyway. I know from speaking to a vast number of other single women (read: five) they do the same. I have not inquired yet as to the standards of the male population but I assume as long as you look fit enough, you get a yes and they even forgive you the shitty floral headband if you seem to have a larger than average bust. That’s a yes in the swiping department not a ring on your finger just yet. To be clear on that one.
But I digress. My point is this. We are all individuals. We have our own personalities. Everyone with half a brain should be perfectly aware that we are going to have our flaws and quirks and don’t look like models raising from the sheets. Unfortunately, we are human and as such rather multi dimensional, amazing beings. But ‘they’ – the ones looking at your picture – don’t know that yet. They just see a picture. They don’t know you are the funniest person at work. Who always gives a hug to those who need it. Or the most loyal friend. They don’t know that that picture with your mates, all cross eyed and a bit drunk, was a long overdue reunion with people you miss every day. Or that it took you a whole day to finally catch that fish and you are dead proud of yourself for having the patience to sit that out.
Of course you can argue one shouldn’t be that shallow and be able to see a person behind a picture. But none of us do because we don’t know them, there is no dimension to them yet, just some images and basic information that is so generic it could be anyone really. So maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea to loose fish and filters. Be a bit more normal. Mainstream even. It might just do the trick.