Jan 2019 – Week 4

I guess this week will stick for a long time, for all the wrong reasons. A total headfuck from start to finish. And it still continues even if I’d like to eradicate it from my mind entirely and just forget about it.

I spend most of this week texting back and forth with the official girlfriend (or should I say now ex-girlfriend), because let’s face it if I like it or not, I was the other woman for those two years. And I wasn’t the only one either. Cowboy Steve has been a busy guy indeed. No wonder he was always tired. And quite frankly, how someone can be as calculating, manipulative and just so shit a being a human being, I cannot get my head round. Although, I don’t think this guy qualifies for the term human. He is infinitely substandard to that.

I managed to muddle through work, I admit to falling of the waggon and consuming a large amount of alcohol which in turn made me feel even more shit, because I know to stay well clear of it and yes, I had a couple of good cries. There has been hardly any food touching the insides of my stomach either and I don’t care too much about this either.

On Friday, we met at a pub near Victoria and talked. And drank. And realised even more all those little things we noticed he did which we could have picked up on but he explained them away and we believed it. Because it still is hard to understand how it is possible for someone to get up in the morning and look at themselves in the mirror. Obviously it is. We know now.

What makes it even worse is that she is absolutely lovely. A clever, pretty girl who put herself through uni, carved out a great career for herself and has been waiting for this c*** to make good on his promises. No matter how bad this is for me, it’s infinitely worse for her.

I know I had a very lucky escape here. This could easily have continued like this. Thank god it’s over. One thing I know for certain though. I have no grace in me when it comes to Cowboy Steve. No forgetting, no forgiveness, no understanding, no indifference. He made me part of something, I would always have walked away from if I had known the truth. I really hope he dies a slow, painful and lonely death after a long, miserable and empty life. The irony is, if he had been honest when I first raised my suspicions, yes I would have been angry and upset, but I probably would have never contacted her because I would not have wanted to be the one telling on him.

I’m grateful that this has happened now. The year has only just started, so it can only get better, right? To make a point of that, I booked my birthday trip away with a friend. We are going to Madrid. That trip he promised me to Florida and Key West has to wait a bit now but it will happen.

Here is to better things. And a new week ahead.

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