It’s Sunday afternoon and the sun has entirely abandoned us. I’m a bit bored. Oh, I have enough to do, I just can’t be bothered to even try attempt anything that’s on my never ending lists and without anything else meaningful to pass my time (saving baby dolphins or the like), I am going to swipe a little bit. Just five minutes or so, you know, to keep on top of the game.
I should know by now that this really isn’t good for my blood pressure. I like my guys a little bit younger than myself. Not too much but a few years don’t hurt, I can get away with pretending I’m still in my thirties and I behave like a teenager anyway. Both my husbands were younger than me, so was the text dumper and the married guy.
So I’m swiping away, and I know my age range (35 – 43 if you must know) and 99.99999% of guys that come up just look ….Old. And not in the interesting way. In the worst sense of the word. Like they partied it away with Keith Richards and stayed for one last drink once he left. Or two or three. Seriously, what is going on?!? I’m all for having lived a little but my dad’s friends look better than a lot of these guys and they are very close to the big 7 0.
I promise you my expectations aren’t too high, I’d say all guys I’ve been out with are reasonably attractive but not someone you would stare at across a bar because they are so breathtakingly handsome you can’t take your eyes off them – does that make me sound like a mean cow? You know what I mean though. But at the moment, I find it really difficult to find someone attractive. If anything, I just get utterly frustrated that that’s all left on the shelf for me. I still don’t look to bad myself, do I really have to settle for some Donald Trump lookalike? Are there no reasonably handsome men in their late thirties or mid forties? Surely there must be one or two still available…..
And another thing I don’t get – you do want to make a girl say, oh my god, I really want to go out with this guy, so who came up with the idea that posing with a giant fish makes us weak in the knees? Or with all your mates where I have no idea which one you are because on the other one you are a blurry dot in the distance I can hardly make out. So I might as well play Where’s Wally? But hey you are blurry in front of the Taj Mahal – or at Machu Picchu. Erm, no.
I have a great idea though. If you have time to go fishing or traveling, how about spending ten minutes on a little trip to Boots – you can use a map if that makes it more exciting for you – get some moisturiser and slap that on every day from now? Just so you look a bit more your age and not like a mummy? For me, please. It will make my Sunday afternoons so much more fun swiping. Thank you so much.