Nov 2018 – Week 45

This week was going back to school and work and somehow it’s over before it really started. It’s been a week full of thinking for a number of reasons, good or bad is hard to say for some of them.

Some of you must think I was barking mad to spend any more time with the Cowboy, but you know what it was actually a pretty good weekend. We had never spend so much time together and it had been a pretty steep learning curve for both of us, showing up our immense differences as well as some surprising similarities. We did talk – not as much as we maybe should have, but enough to give us both an idea where we stand with all this. We both made some concessions, so now we have to see how this plays out. I can honestly say, I have never been with anyone quite like that and vice versa, but one thing we both took from this weekend is that the differences in our character that in the past have caused us to clash can actually strengthen our relationship if we use them wisely and don’t get carried away in the extremes of them. Still, I have taken a bit of step back, which I think is the best thing to do. I need to breathe. He does too. And I’m trying not to overthink things and just go with the flow. Why is adult dating such a bloody minefield?

Another thing that has hit me hard this week is one of my friends loosing her dad. She’s about my age, her dad wasn’t that well, but still it wasn’t quite expected.  If it ever can be really. I only met her dad once or twice but I love her dearly so I’m hurt and upset for her. And it scares me. That’s someone from my generation loosing a parent. It hits close to home, way too close. There is an occasional lump appearing in my throat out of nowhere sometimes the last couple of days. It sits there like a rock and takes a lot of convincing to go away again.

This is another thing I don’t want to overthink and unlike dating the Cowboy, this will probably really throw me off course if I do think too much. For all the issues I have, especially with my mum, I love my parents desperately and the thought of them not being here anymore scares me so much I can hardly catch my breath. I feel utterly stupid for picking up the phone on those occasions and calling them and don’t know what to actually say to them. Something along the lines of ‘I just wanted to make sure I have spoken to you one last time if you happen to unexpectedly kick the bucket’ doesn’t seem like a great idea….

So more often than not we end up chatting about food or the summer holidays and it’s nice and comforting and just what I need to pick me up. Until the next time.


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