The Worst One Ever

Sometimes you have a date that is so bad, it deserves to be labelled the worst one ever. Because the guy you’re out with is just such a dickhead you don’t even try to be nice anymore. And you seriously question your judgement why you ended up wasting precious moments of your life span in the presence of a dumbbell.

Wouldn’t it have been for the large shopping centre we met up in, I would have cried about the waste of my time. For starters, he was late. Like, really late. Half an hour to be precise. And didn’t say sorry for being so, but said he had to get there after all. Yes my friend, so did I. Not a good start. So we went on a little wonder and I attempted some conversation. It was painful. There was a distinct lack of interest in pretty much anything. Shops – boring. Getting a coffee – naah. Trying to find some food – like pulling teeth. And he was rude. We were walking along and he turned round to me and told me if he had to walk any slower, he had to stop. Now he was quite tall, but so am I and I certainly do not bumble about. And even so, surely you don’t say something like that to a girl you want to impress.

I was pretty much pissed off at this point already, what an utter twat this guy was. I needed something to fill my stomach though so I asked again if he fancied some food. I really wish I hadn’t. After some umming and ahhhing, we went to Wahaca and from the moment we sat down, he complained about everything. He could have asked to go somewhere else, so tough shit, I was hungry. When our food arrived he just stared at my plate and declared quite loudly that he had no idea what on earth I was eating but it looked revolting. It was Tacos with sweet potato and some fried plantain. He didn’t know what either was though. I don’t think I actually chewed my food properly so overwhelming was my desire to ask for the bill and get out of there. Of course he worked out exactly what we each had to pay.

Surprisingly enough, he offered to walk me to my car. This sudden outburst of chivalry did confuse me a little so I had the sense to inquire why he felt the need to do so. Of course, I could carry my bags to the car myself, but he felt entitled to a snog and a fondle in the backseat. I think I lost my mind a little at that point and just started laughing. He was taken aback by that, I guess he thought it had gone great. I told him that that had definitely not been the case and he certainly would not walk me me one more step, let alone be allowed to put his tongue anywhere near me. Then I turned round and marched off. What a total arse. At least I had my shopping bags full of consolation prizes.

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